Followers

Thursday, September 27, 2012

OH MY GOD I'M HALF WAY THERE


We're half way there folks... half way into the trash pile.  If this were the Labyrinth, we'd be at about the Bog of Eternal Stench.

Chapter 15

Christian, through his manipulative, wearing down, narcissistic, psychopath tendencies chivalrous way....has worn down, taken advantage of the fact she can't say no and would do anything to please him wooed Ana into the relationship contract.

Did I get that right?   I hope so.  This love story is for winners!

So now he's just showed up at her apartment... with Champagne.

Can no one just have a soda?  Even before I got pregnant I didn't drink THIS much.  It's not attractive. Stop. (But there's more!)

This doesn't exist in 50 Shades.  Ever.

So Ana heads to the kitchen to get glasses, why they don't just stick a straw in it and share is beyond me, but whatever.  And while she's in there she's:
* Nervous
* Compares Christian to a Mountain Lion because he's unpredictable and predatory

I think the word that women are interchanging with unpredictable is spontaneous.  Spontaneous is my husband waking me up exclaiming "Let's go to the zoo today!" and it being... you know... SPONTANEOUS because it wasn't planned.

Unpredictable is when you can never feel at ease because you never know where the person is coming from.

These two words are not the same, just for clarification.

Here is unpredictable:
When she comes back from the kitchen she sees him looking over the books she wants to return to him and she's worried this may become a fight.

Can I just ask why Christian is such a wonderful man? Seriously.  Someone explain this to me, because I'm obviously missing it.

Wait, I bet this is why:
"You see, this is what I was talking about, you defying me. I want you to have them, and that's the end of the discussion. It's very simple. You don't have to think about this. As a submissive you would just be grateful for them. You just accept what I buy you because it pleases me for you to do so.""I wasn't a submissive when you bought them for me," I whisper."No... but you've agreed, Anastasia." His eyes turn wary.

I didn't know that once you've agreed to his terms it goes back from Day 1.  So fuck you, Christian.  

Also, this whole bull shit of "defying" and "you being in control" and "just be grateful".... you, sir, can go die in a fire.  I mean that.  With every fiber of my body, I mean it. If it were a real person, I probably wouldn't wish this... but I would wish that their pecker falls off or something.

So now Ana is starting to have second thoughts about this whole "don't think" thing.  Second thoughts? Honey, 

I would have been running... but whatever. He does make your vagina tingly.  When Christian informs her that he's going to buy stuff because he can, she thinks that makes her a ho.  So he responds with this:

"It shouldn't. You're over-thinking it, Anastasia. Don't place some vague moral judgement on yourself based on what others might think. Don't waste your energy. It's only because you have no reservations about our arrangement, that's perfectly natural. You don't know what you're getting yourself into."

Eh, to a degree I can agree with him.  If someone want to buy you something, let them.  BUT it's Christian's reasoning a whole as to why he does... he owns the person, it's his way or no way, and he's weaving himself into every category of their life.  But then again I have the balls (that's right, balls) to say "Thanks!" and then politely usher them away and not sleep with them.  Like guys who believe that you should sleep with them  because they bought you dinner.  Mother fucker, please.  My vagina cannot be bought.

So after mundane talk about the wine at graduation... because it ups the word count of the book, we finally get to the "goods"

What Ana is and isn't willing to do.


Fisting is the first thing Christian brings up.  Don't know what fisting is?  Oh... you poor soul.... Literally, it's when a FIST is INSERTED into your HOOHAA (or anus, if you're a dude and into that).  I'm serious.  Whole series of porn dedicated to it (Rule 34 of the internet is that there is porn for everything.  Seriously.  EVERYTHING.)  Some people are into it, whatever rocks their socks.  You need to know what you're doing because it can do bad shit to your intestines or something... not my cup of tea.  Surprisingly, Christian agrees to the no fisting thing. Point for chivalry.

The next thing Ana checks off her list of things is Anal Sex.  His response: "I'd like to claim to ass Anastasia; but we'll wait for that.  Besides, it's not something we can dive into."


...."We can dive into..."  "We can dive into..."  "We can dive into..."  "WE CAN DIVE INTO."


Oh my God.  I laughed so hard.


Geez YA THINK?

Christian at least wants her to try anal... if this were a normal relationship, I'd so "meh, to each their own.  Let them figure it out..." except he's not willing to try anything to Ana's benefit.  So again.  Fuck him.


Then Christian reveals Mrs. Robinson was a booty plunderer... which totally baffles Ana because Ms. Virgin ears and eyes has never heard of a strap on. This. Book.


So then we get to a spreader bar... she asks him not to laugh because she doesn't know what that is (bet you didn't either, I didn't, I had to google. Wish I had't.) and he responds with:


"I promise not to laugh. I've apologized twice." He glares at me. "Don't make me do it again," he warns. And  I think I visibly shrink... oh, he's so bossy. "A spreader is a bar with cuffs for ankles and/or wrists. They're fun."


Look here, ass hole.  You apologize when you exhibit bad behavior, which is like, constantly.  Like laughing when someone who barely knows what a vibrator is asks what a spreader bar is.  Jack ass.

Next Ana is worried about gagging.  So he "takes note."  How charming.

Ana gets brave next...
"Do you like tying your submissives up so they can't touch you?" He gazes at me, his eyes widening.
"That's one of the reasons," he says quietly.
"Is that why you've tied my hands?"
"Yes."
"You don't like talking about that," I murmur.
"No, I don't. Would you like another drink? It's making you brave, and I need to know how you feel about pain."


So, in other words, his plan really is to get her drunk so she'll consent to just about anything. By this point in the book we're at four refills. Of course, by this point in the book, Ana is basically a pro at drinking, because she's doing it all the time.  

Ana was never spanked as a child, so she has no idea how she feels about it. It could be awesome, it could suck, she has no clue. She asks him if he could, you know, not do that whole pain part, but it's non-negotiable. And really, what did she think that room full of whips and canes was about? Christian promises that they'll work up to it, and you know, as creepy possessive weird as this guy is, I can believe he'd be an okay dominant in that capacity.(See I can give some credit where it's due) If he's at the point where he's requiring a contract about what is and isn't okay in bed, this is a guy who takes his shit seriously. It's all the emotional manipulation and the horror show of unresolved issues that should make her want to run, not the BDSM stuff. Then, he drops a bombshell:

"Well then. Look, earlier today you were talking about wanting more," he halts, uncertain all of a sudden.Oh my... where is this going?
He clasps my hand."Outside of the time you're my sub, perhaps we could try. I don't know if it will work. I don't know about separating everything. It may not work. But I'm willing to try. Maybe one night a week. I don't know."Holy cow... my mouth drops open, my subconscious is in shock. Christian Grey is up for more! He's willing to try! 
 Well rapturous joy.  I'm sure every female every where started planning their wedding at this point in the book... but let's not jump up and down like a child waiting for ice cream... like Ana's inner goddess.  The dude said he'd try maybe one night a week.  And not only that, but this deal comes with conditions... of course.  She has to "graciously accept his graduation gift."

It's a car.

So the relationship is still on his terms, because if she wants a "boyfriend" only "one night a week" bitch better be happy with her car.

I've been accused of not having much nice to say about this book; something about the adage, if you can't say anything nice don't say anything at all.  Well, I for one, call bull shit.  Because since getting pregnant, I've had all kinds of not nice things thrown at me about cloth diapering, making my own baby food, weight gain, weight loss, breast feeding, not revealing the gender the day, and countless other bull shit things because other people feel a need to interject.  So fuck that rule. Gloves are off.

Here's the thing with this book, anytime something remotely good happens, for instance him buying her a car.  Something that is great and charming and "woo worthy".  But it totally gets ruined by things I can't reconcile my morals or values over.  While they argue over whether or not she'll take the car -let me just interject here that she can totally throw herself into an arrangement that she's not completely okay with just to be with him, but she can't accept a fucking car- he says something that's arguably pretty hot.  I mean that.  If my husband ever said that to me, we wouldn't make it inside:

"It's taking all my self control not to fuck you on the hood of this car right now, just to show you that you are mine, and if I want to buy you a fucking car, I'll buy you a fucking car," he growls. "Now let's get you inside and naked."

Now aside from every other horrible thing in this book about this man, this is pretty hot.  But then, like whip lash, it gets ruined.

Boy, he's angry. He grabs my hand and leads me back into the apartment and straight to my bedroom... no passing go. My subconscious is behind the sofa again, head hidden under her hands. He switches on the sidelight and halts, staring at me.
"Please don't be angry with me," I whisper.
His gaze is impassive; his gray eyes cold shards of smoky glass.
"I'm sorry about the car and the books," I trail off. He remains silent and brooding.
"You scare me when you're angry,"  I breathe, staring at him.


These two things are not like the other, and I can no longer say "that's hot."  Nope.  But then he compliments her and she's all hot again.

Sexy times ensue... it's not that great... at least not this whole "mind blowing, change your relationship" kind of sex I keep hearing about.

She does however manage to get a condom on him.... first try....

No.

I'm 26. Pretty open about my sexuality. I'll admit I'm a kinky person.  And I can't even get a condom on a cucumber at those sex toy parties. So no.  I don't believe you E.L. James.  Not for one second.




Monday, September 17, 2012

So After That Questionnaire...


After the little domestic abuse quiz I posted earlier, this book has just further disgusted me and has made me pretty intolerant to any of its followers embracing this treatment of women as acceptable.

I just can't.

So let's just continue on with chapter 14

Ana has a sexy dream about Christian in some 80's jeans with a riding crop and she's wearing nothing but shackles. And he's just lighting up her clit.

-cringe-

Thank God it's a dream,  because if I was subjected to pages about this experience, I'd set my laptop on fire.

(Fun side note, getting punched in the vagina isn't fun.  How do I know this?  My child within my womb is low... and enjoys kicking downward.  I'm ready for her to move up.)

Anyway, she has an orgasm in her dream.  If you didn't know this could happen... it can.  You have no real control over it because your mind is a powerful muscle.  It's normally one of the signs boys are going through puberty, they have "wet dreams."  Girls have them too... we just don't get boners about them. Nor do we talk about it, because sex is dirty and we should feel shame. They become very prominent when one is pregnant.

Here's my issue with this.  It's the first time ever Ana has an orgasm in her sleep. Why now? Because it took a dude to awaken her sexually.

Not just any man, the perfect man.

ARGH. E.L.James can go fuck herself.

ANYWAY, once Ana awakens, in more ways than one... ahaha, I made a pun!! She heads to the kitchen, still in PJ's and Christian's jacket, and Kate asks how dinner went.

"So it begins..."

Ana, you narcissistic bitch, get over yourself.  This isn't some water boarding experience, your roommate is asking you a simple question about your damn date.  Get the fuck over yourself.


(Sorry, I'm really hormonal today)

And of course Ana has to dance around the questions, because she can't really let her know how Christian is.  So her response?

"He doesn't approve of Wanda"

I kind of had to pause here, because, who the fuck is Wanda?

I'm assuming her car, because Ctrl+F shows this is the first mention of Wanda.
Then she distracts Kate by asking her to do her graduation speech.

But only because Ana has some angst to get out:
Last night I found it hard to sleep. My head was buzzing with various options. I am so confused. Christian's idea of a relationship is more like a job offer. It has set hours, a job description, and a rather harsh grievance procedure. It's not how I envisaged my first romance - but, of course, Christian doesn't do romance. If I tell him I want more, he may say no... and I could jeopardize what he has offered. And this is what concerns e most, because I don't want to lose him. But I'm not sure I have the stomach to be his submissive - deep down, it's the cans and whips that put me off. I'm a physical coward, and I will go a long way to avoid pain. I think of my dream... is that what it would be like? My inner goddess jumps up and down with cheerleading pom-poms shouting yes at me.

 Let me just go ahead and say that Ana's "inner goddess" is there to make you believe that this is what Ana really wants. Desperately wants.  So it's okay to settle. Her inner goddess would also loose, horribly, against my inner goddess:

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Common sense mother fucker! Do you have it?

Eventually we get to Ana's graduation.
Ana's nervous... but not about graduation.  Oh no.
Totes about seeing Christian Grey.
Bah. I'm so over this, I don't even care.

-ANGST-

So while she's standing there waiting to get her degree, she and group of other girls see Christian.
The other girls drool over his handsome sexuality and whether or not he's single.
Ana gets jealous, and responds that he's... gay.
I'm surrious.
Again, Ana's maturity level astounds me.


It's almost like "he's gay" is, to Ana, the worst thing she could possibly say about someone. I don't find that funny. Because I'm not in fourth grade nor am I biggot.


Christian is at her graduation because of money.  He gives a lot if it(but why he's on stage shaking hands?  No clue.  I only graduate once and don't recall all our financial people being on stage, but whatevs.) And the whole time Ana is willing him to look at him:

LOOK AT ME!!!!!

So Kate gives her speech  - Ana of course compares herself to Kate's beauty.
Then Christian gives his speech about how he gives grants to the school to eradicate world hunger. (um. ok. You have a helicopter and trillions of dollar, why not, you know, DO SOMETHING)

And when Ana gets her name called Christian decides to have a conversation with her.... right there... in the middle of the stage. (Fact: Beneficiaries do not hand out diploma's NOR do they shake the graduates hands. I should know.  I graduated.)

And he asks her if her lap top is working.
Dude. Get the fuck over yourself. Her life should not revolve around you and your constant erection.



After the ceremony Kate tells Ana that Christian wants to see her, and every girl gapes after Ana in jealous disgust.
Because being the object of other women's envy should be what we aspire to be. Amirite?


"Thank you," he says, and before she can reply, he takes my elbow and steers me into what looks like a men's locker room. He checks to see if it's empty, and then he locks the door. Holy shit, what does he have in mind?
and then he locks the door.

and then he locks the door.
and then he locks the door.

NOT COOL! DANGER ZONE!! WHAT THE HELL?!??!?!?!?!?!?

"Why haven't you emailed me? Or texted me back?" He glares I'm nonplussed.
"I haven't looked at my computer today, or my phone." Crap, has he been trying to call? 

ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME RIGHT NOW?!?

If my "boyfriend" pulled this shit on MY graduation day, MY DAY. MINE. I would donkey kick him in the balls, tell him to shove his e-mails and to get the fuck over himself.  Stat.  What a complete  ass hole.

And not only that, but if I doth remember, she asked you for space, and here you are LOCKING yourselves in a room, and being all "WHY HAVEN'T YOU PAID ATTENTION TO ME?!?!"  You sir, are a dick. Go die in a fire.

But he covers for ignoring her space because "her car isn't safe" but she tells him Jose services it.  Which of course, pisses off Mr. Things Have To Be My Way.

So what does Ana do?
Does she tell him to fuck off?
Does she tell him to shove it?

Nope.

She apologizes for making him worry.

Christian demands an answer re: BDSM from Ana, saying that the waiting is making him "crazy". I doubt that "crazy" is a shore he landed upon after only a few weeks of sailing, but justify your weirdness however you want, Christian. He wants an answer "by tomorrow", because love is patient, etc. Because this book is set in a universe where behavior like this is totally normal and romantic, Ana does not say, "Then my answer is no, dick, unlock the door." Instead, she agrees and tells him she needs to get back to her stepdad, because they have plans. Christian insinuates himself into those plans through blatant manipulation, because he wants to meet Ray.

image
This is about what I wanted to do to the characters of this book.

So after Christian weasels his way into meeting her dad, Ana is worried about the wine served at graduation because it's something Christian probably wouldn't like. And what happens if she does something that Christian doesn't like?  She has consequences.  But there shouldn't be consequences for shit she can't control, but you know, logic here doesn't exist.

Ah, the internet has ruined me.

Kate and her brother, who puts his arm around Ana, and Christian's brothers shows up, and before proper introductions can be made, Kate introduces Christian as Ana's boyfriend.  And of course, Ana fumes.

Hold the phone there, Anastasia.
It's Christian who has insisted upon meeting Ana's stepfather, and it's Christian who has left their relationship undefined as per his own terms. So Kate, when put in the position of introductions, selects the wrong terminology, who is at fault? Not Christian, because Ana can't blame him for anything. So, the blame must be shifted to Kate. 

But let's not focus too much on that because now Christian is all pissed about Kate's brother being all up on Ana.  So when he goes "Ana, baby" and bids her to his side; she doesn't catch his controlling ways... she's all gush like because he called her baby.  

-rolls eyes- Puh-lease.

ANYWAY, after all those awkward introductions have been made, we're finally left to Ana and Christian being alone.  And by being alone, I mean in a room full of people - but you know, non-disclosure agreement or not, Christian thinks this is a fine time to bring up their arrangement. . He wheedles her, saying, "You know it's going to be good, don't you, baby?", which is, I'm pretty sure, how about 60% of all date rapes begin, and Ana confesses that her reluctance to sign the contract is because she wants more from the relationship. Christian again tells her that he doesn't really know how to do the romance thing, and then Ana agrees to the contract.

Just like that.

When her dad comes back, she feels sick to her stomach as to what she's just done.

Well that's a good sign you made a good choice.



Thursday, September 6, 2012

Abuse.



You know... I had someone on facebook approach me and say that this relationship wasn't abusive - it's two people falling in love, and who doesn't want that.


I'm going to get kinda serious here, no silly gifs or tom-fuckery going on here.  I'm talking, legitimate seriousness in why this book is bad for women desiring this.

When I was in college I had to take a lot of courses in psychology, because I went to school to be able to work with kids (teenagers to be specific).  There was a good chunk of a chapter dedicated on how to spot if you were in a relationship with an abusive person.  I kept my psychology books, I dug the one out that these specifics.  Here it is if you want to buy it:
 

There's some "Universal Red Flags" that this book goes down, I'd like to take a moment to break this down.  

You feel uncomfortable about something he has said or done, and the feeling remains. I don't think we need to cite any one particular incident where Ana has been made uncomfortable by Christian Grey. This is prevalent throughout the book. Ana is not herself when she's around him, and the only time she ever has the inkling of a voice is when she e-mails him...

You wish he would go away, you want to cry, and you want to run away from him. Ana often thinks about how she can "escape" Christian, how she needs to find an exit, how she can't handle being around him because she can't trust herself to think clearly. In just the portion of the book we've reviewed so far, Ana has ended three of her encounters with Christian as a sobbing mess, a mess.  We're talking laying in a parking garage kind of mess.

You have the urge to "love him into emotional wellness," if that were possible. Again, based on the chapters we've reviewed here so far, Ana does seem to believe that she can change him, or that he has psychological wounds that need to be healed. It's how we left off the last chapter that she was going to "change him".  There is a big difference between wanting to see someone better them self and changing them to fit your standards - that shit does not work.

You feel bad about yourself when you are around him. One of the clearest indicators, to me, anyway, that there is a power imbalance in their relationship is the fact that Ana constantly compares herself - how she looks, how she acts, how she's dressed - to Christian and his very wealthy lifestyle, and she always finds herself lacking. She often wonders why he's interested in her; NOT to mention he hones in on this and uses it to his advantage.

You only feel good about yourself when you are with him. Conversely, Ana doesn't have a nice word to say about herself unless it is confirmed by Christian. When her roommate tells her that she's pretty, Ana interprets it as a patronizing compliment Kate can't possibly mean, but when Christian Grey calls Ana beautiful, she suddenly believes that she is. In fact, the only time she believes anything good about herself is when it's Christian pointing it out.

You feel that he wants too much from you. I think this one requires very little explanation. Not only does he want more than she wishes to give, he constantly pressures her to give him what he wants. Not just the contract, but just basic human decency is involved here.

You are emotionally tired from him; you feel he "sucks the life out of you." Now, Ana never says, "he sucks the life out of me." But again, even if we just look at the first half of this book, she's doing a lot of crying herself to sleep, needing to get away from him because he's too intense, etc.

Your value system and his are very different, and it's problematic. I have this phrase I trot out from time to time with my friends who are dating: If you have to "work on" the relationship within the first month, it's not going to work out. Sometimes, people are simply incompatible. Ana and Christian have spent most of their relationship with Ana trying to find ways around giving Christian what he wants, and Christian refusing to bend on his expectations. This is not going to clear up in a few more dates, and the fact that the relationship is based solely on Christians needs and wants, this clearly isn't great or ideal either.

Your past and his are very different, and the two of you have conflicts over it. Spoiler alert, Christian is obsessive and controlling about food because he went hungry as a child. I know we haven't gotten to that part of the book in the review yet, but it fits in here. And that's just one of the ways their pasts differ in problematic ways. While Ana sees his earlier relationship with a much older woman as statutory rape, Christian believes that it was appropriate and has a continuing friendship with the woman, which makes Ana uncomfortable. Ana doesn't even want the type of relationship Christian is after, they both are aware of this fact, and he continues to pursue her, and she continues to "love him into well being." There is a BIG difference between varying upbringing.  For instance, my husband came from a broken home and I came from an intact home.  He went to public school, I was homeschooled.  He is the oldest of 5, I am the oldest of 2.  But overall, things were normal and common place - it's the same reason that if you're a Christian and you marry a Muslim, you're probably gonna have a bad time, especially when you have kids.

You tell your friends you are "unsure about the relationship" Ana has already had this conversation with Kate in the part we've reviewed.

You feel isolated from other relationships with friends and family. Ana doesn't just feel isolated, she is isolated, by the nondisclosure agreement Christian asked her to sign. She finds herself living a double life in order to please Christian and still maintain her relationships with her loved ones.

You feel in the wrong because he is always right and goes to great lengths to show you he is right. This was most obviously displayed in chapter fourteen, where Christian responds to all of Ana's concerns and questions with long explanations that dance around actual answers.

You are uncomfortable because he continually says he knows what is best for you. He isn't pressuring her into signing a contract that allows him to act out his sexual fantasies on her for him. It's all about her, and her happiness. He just wants what's best for her, just like when he showed up at the bar when she asked him not to, and his concerns about her car. This can later go into, "well, I feel like this affair is best because it reminds me of what I have with you," or "I feel like not giving our kids medicine, because I think it's best even though I'm not a doctor."

You notice he needs you too frequently, too much, or too intensely. Christian goes so far as to say that he wants her too much, or that he can't control himself in her presence because of the intensity of his passion for her.

You notice he quickly discloses information about his past or present or his emotional pain. After they go out for coffee, their first encounter that is not tied to the interview, he warns her off from him with cryptic, tortured statements like, "I'm not the man for you."

You sense he is pushing too quickly for an emotional connection with you. Okay, this one, Ana wouldn't check off, but I would. From an outside observer standpoint, Christian is running a very good game of  "pull her in, push her away," which is forcing an emotional connection with Ana. After having coffee with the guy once, she's on the floor of a parking garage sobbing. This isn't just Ana being emotionally immature, it's Ana being emotionally manipulated by Christian.

You find yourself accepting him "for now" even though you have plenty of red flags that would help you to terminate the relationship if you paid attention to them. Ana is already aware that what she wants from the relationship and what Christian wants are two vastly different, completely incompatible things, but she commits to the relationship despite knowing it has no hope of a future. 

If most of this books readers were more along the lines of "meh, the book was lame, but the sex was hot.. I'm just in this because it makes my vagina tingly" I wouldn't be here reviewing this book.  But when people get not only defensive about it but lament their significant others for not being more like Christian, I have to control every fiber in my being to not say something.  It's why this blog has been so lethargic for me; so now anytime someone is all "WELL HAVE YOU READ IT MS. SMARTY PANTS?"  I can reply, "Yes. I have. I still concur it's shit.  Here's my blog about it."

It contributes to the mindset that women will placate these abusive men if it means some distorted view of "happily ever after."

It contributes to rape culture.

It's one ginormous leap backwards to women's rights, we haven't had the right to vote that long and I can see why people question our judgement when you're on the floor of your bathroom boo-hooing because your husband who's oblivious in the next room isn't this brooding, manipulative, ass hole in this book.

If it weren't for the fact that I downloaded this book from the internet, I would have flung it clear out of my house by now.  And you can be damned sure that as soon as I'm done with these reviews I'm deleting it. I have no tolerance for this bull shit, none.  I will gladly and with great effort tell you why this is bad; and the more I think about it, the more I am depressed by the message of this book, a message that so many women have embraced as a romantic ideal. While in the end, Ana does not stay with Christian (spoiler alert), there are two more books in the series. I do not have enough faith that those books will rectify the glorification of emotional-abuse-as-love in the first book enough to read them. The more I delve into this book, the more disturbing I find it, and its popularity.


Wednesday, September 5, 2012

Rarely Do I Actually Hate...


Chapter 13 leads off with this:

The following day, I call my mom when I'm home from work. It's been a relatively peaceful day at the Clayton's, allowing me far too much time to think. I'm restless, nervous about my showdown with Mr. Control Freak tomorrow, and at the back of my mind, I'm worried that perhaps I've been too negative in my response to the contract. Perhaps he'll call the whole thing off.


So I can already tell how this chapter is going to go... inner turmoil and angst, here we go.  First it was about not signing the contract, NOW it's about the fact that she hasn't she may have blown it.

She's blown her chance to enter into a "relationship" based solely on the man's terms.  




Ana's mom isn't going to be able to attend Ana's graduation because Bob the Boyfriend twisted he ankle, or knee, or something.  I don't know, I just though what a shitty excuse to miss your kids graduation; heart attack? Cancer? Plausible.  Hello, there are crutches and you're not dying.  You could have made it.  But really this plot is here for two reason:

* To make the reader feel bad for Ana because we have to like her.
* The author doesn't have to write another person into the plot thus taking attention off the walking erection.

After that pointless phone call, Ana checks her e-mail and Christian, instead of really taking into consideration her concerns he responds with a pissy definition of what "submissive" means. (THIS GUY!)  So Ana retorts back with a definition of "compromise."

HA. That's funny... nowhere in any of this book has there been compromise, ever.  It's his way or no way, seriously, why is this even being brought up?  Oh that's right, to feed into the false sense that a fairy tale ending is plausible (I haven't read the next 2 books, but my money is on they get married... they have kids... and somehow Mrs. Robinson is a bigger plot point.  Please let me know if I'm right.)


They argue over whether or not he's going to pick her up, or she's driving... because she wants a means of escape.  WOOHOO!  Fight or flight more initiated.  

Kate and Ana keep packing up their apartment and drinking.  Can I just interject here.  Why is it in almost every chapter Ana is drinking?  Can she not get through a day without it?  If Ana had taken a water bottle on her "jog" I'd bet money it was vodka. I'm all for alcohol, but seriously, limits and moderation people.  Damn...



After work, where Ana is pursued by Paul... who is this guy?  He's only shown up like twice.  Oh right... he's there to show that Christian is more the gentleman because he'd rather emotionally manipulate woo Ana from afar than pester her to death.  Got it.

Anyway, after work, Ana changes into one of the dresses that Kate has left behind for her and gussies herself up while comparing herself to literary heroes.  I'm pretty sure literary heroes never signed a sex contract... but what do I know?

When Ana arrives at the bar for Christian's date, she has successfully completed her 1 hour sober chip, but that's thrown out the window because Christian orders her wine. The both confess to being nervous... well I for one, call bull shit on that.  No way Christian's nervous.  He's in control.  I do not see him as "nervous."

They bring up the "un-enforceable non-legal contract" where Christian states this epiphany:


"You'd think I'd coerce you into something you don't want to do, and then pretend that I have a legal hold over you?"

Yes Christian, yes I do, you inconsiderate, arrogant, fuck. You made her sign what seems to me to be a legally enforceable non-disclosure agreement (anyone want to confirm or debunk my suspicions), you made a big deal about needing her signature, the whole thing is written in pseudo-legalese, and you never once told her that it wasn't a legal document, she had to find that out for herself. So yes, Christian. That is exactly what you were doing, you creepy, creepy rapist. He dances around that point with a lot of bullshit about trust:
"Anastasia, it doesn't matter if it's legal or not. It represents an arrangement that I would like to make with you - what I would like from you and what you can expect from me. If you don't like it, then don't sign. If you do sign, and then decide you don't like it, there are enough get-out clauses so you can walk away. Even if it were legally binding, do you think I'd drag you through the courts if you did decide to run?" I take a long draft of my wine. My subconscious taps me hard on the shoulder. You must keep your wits about you. Don't drink too much.  

For one, the only real "get out clause" is that it's not a legal document, you dick.  The fact he's trying to make it sound all official and important is because apparently his penis is just that important. It needs insurance.  This chapter, every time he opened his mouth, I hated him even more.

"Relationships like this are built on honesty and trust," he continues. "If you don't trust me - trust me to know how I'm affecting you, how far I can go with you, how far I can take you - if you can't be honest with me, then we really can't do this." Oh my, we've cut to the chase quickly. How far he can take me. Holy shit. What does that mean?

I'm sure most of you who have read this book are all swooning and cheering Ana on, "JUST TRUST HIM! HE'S HOT AND AMAZING AND WANTS TO HAVE SEX WITH YOU!!!  HE'S FALLING IN LOVE WITH YOU!! TRUST HIM." 

Meanwhile, I was thinking to myself that his view of trust is completely self-centered.  Trust means not making a girl you have sex with sign a form saying she won't tell anybody. Trust means having an open communication with another person about what you want from the relationship, not handing her a stack of forms and a laptop and hoping she comes over to your side as a result. Trust means not swooping down on someone when they're out with their friends because you're afraid they're going to make a choice you don't approve of. In fact, up until this point, Christian, you have done nothing to build Ana's trust in you, other than demand it before you tie her up and spit in her mouth. And it certainly is not built by pressuring a young woman to enter into BDSM as a full-time lifestyle when she hasn't even had the opportunity to experiment with it in a lighter capacity. 

Ugh. THIS BOOK IS GOING TO BE THE DEATH OF SOMEONE.

Ana considers if she can trust him, and then remembers Christian's temper tantrum when she called Jose.

Um, excuse me.  Christian had a tantrum because Jose called you.  BIG difference.  But, hey, facts don't matter - now let's talk about the fact Ana needs to eat some more.

"You have to eat, Anastasia. We can eat down here or in my suite. What would you prefer?"
"I think we should stay in public, on neutral ground." He smiles sardonically.
"Do you think that would stop me?" he says softly, a sensual warning.


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Excuse me?  Seriously.  Excuse me? Not only did he just openly threaten a rape scenario... he then declines her need for a public place and takes her to his secluded dining room he's booked.  Fuck you Christian.  Seriously.  In the ass.  With a rusty spork.

Over dinner he states that if Ana were to ever walk away from the contract, they're kaputs.  Done. No questions asked.  Because not having middle ground in a relationship is WAY great and totes healthy.  

They get back onto the issue of trust again, and Christian says he'll earn her trust by discipline.  

"Discipline. There's a very fine line between pleasure and pain Anastasia. They are two sides of the same coin, one not existing without the other. I can show you how pleasurable pain can be. You don't believe me now, but this is what I mean about trust. There will be pain, but nothing that you can't handle. Again, it comes down to trust. Do you trust me, Ana?"
Ana!
"Yes, I do." I respond spontaneously, not thinking... because it's true - I do trust him.


Why would you trust him? He's not earned it; he's done nothing to earn it.  He's barely earned the right to be lumped into "regular humanity" and his only saving grace is that he at least functions somewhat in the real world.

So then the only thing Ana really argues about is the food part of the contract, because no one will tell her how to eat.  How to fuck? Sure.  But no one backs me into a corner when it comes to food.  

Then out of nowhere Christian responds with this:  
"And right now, I want to peel you out of that dress." I swallow. Peel me out of Kate's dress. I feel the pull deep in my belly. Muscles that I'm now more acquainted with clench at his words. But I can't have this. His most potent weapon, used against me again. He's so good at sex - even I've figured this out.

So, Ana is completely aware that he's using sex to manipulate her, and she's still sitting there. He openly admits to using sex to control her, like it's no big thing, because whether or not he's manipulating her, "Doesn't change how much I want you." Well, so long as you're still happy.
"If you were my sub, you wouldn't have to think about this. It would be easy." His voice is soft, seductive. "All those decisions - all the wearying thought processes behind them. The - is this this right thing to do? Should this happen here? Can it happen now? You wouldn't have to worry about any of that detail. That's what I'd do as your Dom. And right now, I know you want me, Anastasia."

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If someone were to ever say this to me, I would be insulted.

Next, Christian tells Ana that he knows she's aroused because, and you're not going to believe this one, he felt the tablecloth move and he knows from years of experience that it's because she's clenching her thighs. Does Christian Grey work for the CIA? Because he tracked her cell phone, and now he's reading body language via tablecloth. Then we get a really telling paragraph from Ana:
I flush and stare down at my hands. That's what I'm hindered by in this game of seduction. He's the only one who knows and understands the rules. I'm just too naive and inexperienced. My only sphere of reference is Kate, and she doesn't take any shit from men. My other references are all fictional: Elizabeth Bennett would be outraged, Jane Eyre too frightened, and Tess would succumb, just as I have.

By now she's basically got a flashing neon sign above her head that screams "She cannot give informed consent."  And let me just say, if you're a dude reading this and thinking all women are like this, I really hope you find yourself a strong independent woman to beat the shit out of you if you ever try this.  

Ana decides she needs to leave, because if she stays, she'll definitely bone Christian.  And Christian, being Mr. Prince Charming, how does he respond?

"I could make you stay," he threatens.
"Yes, you could easily, but I don't want you to."
He runs his hands though his hair, regarding me carefully.
"You know, when you fell into my office to interview me, you were all yes sir, no sir. I thought you were a natural born submissive. But quite frankly, Anastasia, I'm not sure you have a submissive bone in your delectable body."


So, Christian basically thought that since she was clumsy and nervous, he'd be able to exploit that as his sex fantasy. Again, women across America are resenting their husbands for NOT ACTING THIS WAY.  

Great.


He leans down to kiss me, but pauses before his lips touch mine, his eyes searching mine, wanting, asking permission. I raise my lips to his, and he kisses me and because I don't know if I'll ever kiss him again, I let go - my hands moving of their own accord and twisting into his hair, pulling him to me, my mouth opening, my tongue stroking his. His hand grasps the nape of my neck as he deepens the kiss, responding to my ardor. His other hand slides own my back and flattens at the base of my spine as he pushes me against his body. "I can't persuade you to stay?" he breathes between kisses.
See how he does that? She says no, he thinks, "I'll overcome her silly objections to what I want with ravishing kisses. No damsel could dare refuse me!" He is openly manipulating her, and we all know she's going to keep falling for it. Not just because I've already read the book, either. Because this is the way Ana believes the world should work. She should be pursued, like the heroine of a classic novel, and in classic novels, those heroines had very little say in how their lives would turn out. There is a reason Ana is obsessed with classic literature. It's all pre-sexual revolution. Ana wants to believe that she's helpless and unable to refuse the broodingly handsome hero, because then she won't have to think for herself. She's already mastered the art of letting everyone else steer her course through daily events, she just has to figure out how to make this whole thing with Christian seem like it's on her terms. That way, she can keep believing that she's strong and independent, without ever having to be either of those things.
"I'll escort you to the lobby." He holds out his hand. Leaning down, I grab my purse and place my hand in his. Holy crap, this could be it. I follow him meekly down the grand stairs and into the lobby, my scalp prickling, my blood pumping. This could be the last goodbye if I decide to say no.
My heart contracts painfully in my chest. What a turnaround. What a difference a moment of clarity can make to a girl.

That's it, right there. Ana isn't giving up all her aspirations for romantic love. She's having a moment of clarity. A moment of clarity that doesn't send her straight to the nearest weekly meeting, no matter how much she needs it. Christian makes a bunch of weak attempts to keep her from leaving, like giving her his jacket (so she'll have to see him again, I presume), to arguing that her car doesn't look safe (maybe she should spend the night with him after all?). To her credit, Ana resists all of these and balks at his suggestion that he buy her a car, but of course, he's going to do whatever he wants to do. Contract or no, he owns Ana, because he believes that he is entitled to every woman he wants. This is rape culture, folks. This book is rape culture, distilled to it's most potent form.

 She gets home after asking for space and Christian has e-mailed her, because what does space mean to him anyway, especially when he's got a throbbing erection.

She's all angsty about this, and runs down in her mind all the things he's said about him not being boyfriend material... and as she lays in bed with her PJ's and his jacket on, she comes to this diving revelation.  

SHE IS GOING TO CHANGE HIM