So After That Questionnaire...

After the little domestic abuse quiz I posted earlier, this book has just further disgusted me and has made me pretty intolerant to any of its followers embracing this treatment of women as acceptable.

I just can't.

So let's just continue on with chapter 14

Ana has a sexy dream about Christian in some 80's jeans with a riding crop and she's wearing nothing but shackles. And he's just lighting up her clit.

-cringe-

Thank God it's a dream,  because if I was subjected to pages about this experience, I'd set my laptop on fire.

(Fun side note, getting punched in the vagina isn't fun.  How do I know this?  My child within my womb is low... and enjoys kicking downward.  I'm ready for her to move up.)

Anyway, she has an orgasm in her dream.  If you didn't know this could happen... it can.  You have no real control over it because your mind is a powerful muscle.  It's normally one of the signs boys are going through puberty, they have "wet dreams."  Girls have them too... we just don't get boners about them. Nor do we talk about it, because sex is dirty and we should feel shame. They become very prominent when one is pregnant.

Here's my issue with this.  It's the first time ever Ana has an orgasm in her sleep. Why now? Because it took a dude to awaken her sexually.

Not just any man, the perfect man.

ARGH. E.L.James can go fuck herself.

ANYWAY, once Ana awakens, in more ways than one... ahaha, I made a pun!! She heads to the kitchen, still in PJ's and Christian's jacket, and Kate asks how dinner went.

"So it begins..."

Ana, you narcissistic bitch, get over yourself.  This isn't some water boarding experience, your roommate is asking you a simple question about your damn date.  Get the fuck over yourself.

(Sorry, I'm really hormonal today)

And of course Ana has to dance around the questions, because she can't really let her know how Christian is.  So her response?

"He doesn't approve of Wanda"

I kind of had to pause here, because, who the fuck is Wanda?
I'm assuming her car, because Ctrl+F shows this is the first mention of Wanda.
Then she distracts Kate by asking her to do her graduation speech.

But only because Ana has some angst to get out:
Last night I found it hard to sleep. My head was buzzing with various options. I am so confused. Christian's idea of a relationship is more like a job offer. It has set hours, a job description, and a rather harsh grievance procedure. It's not how I envisaged my first romance - but, of course, Christian doesn't do romance. If I tell him I want more, he may say no... and I could jeopardize what he has offered. And this is what concerns e most, because I don't want to lose him. But I'm not sure I have the stomach to be his submissive - deep down, it's the cans and whips that put me off. I'm a physical coward, and I will go a long way to avoid pain. I think of my dream... is that what it would be like? My inner goddess jumps up and down with cheerleading pom-poms shouting yes at me.

 Let me just go ahead and say that Ana's "inner goddess" is there to make you believe that this is what Ana really wants. Desperately wants.  So it's okay to settle. Her inner goddess would also loose, horribly, against my inner goddess:

Common sense mother fucker! Do you have it?

Eventually we get to Ana's graduation.
Ana's nervous... but not about graduation.  Oh no.
Totes about seeing Christian Grey.
Bah. I'm so over this, I don't even care.
-ANGST-

So while she's standing there waiting to get her degree, she and group of other girls see Christian.
The other girls drool over his handsome sexuality and whether or not he's single.
Ana gets jealous, and responds that he's... gay.
I'm surrious.
Again, Ana's maturity level astounds me.

It's almost like "he's gay" is, to Ana, the worst thing she could possibly say about someone. I don't find that funny. Because I'm not in fourth grade nor am I biggot.

Christian is at her graduation because of money.  He gives a lot if it(but why he's on stage shaking hands?  No clue.  I only graduate once and don't recall all our financial people being on stage, but whatevs.) And the whole time Ana is willing him to look at him:

LOOK AT ME!!!!!

So Kate gives her speech  - Ana of course compares herself to Kate's beauty.
Then Christian gives his speech about how he gives grants to the school to eradicate world hunger. (um. ok. You have a helicopter and trillions of dollar, why not, you know, DO SOMETHING)
And when Ana gets her name called Christian decides to have a conversation with her.... right there... in the middle of the stage. (Fact: Beneficiaries do not hand out diploma's NOR do they shake the graduates hands. I should know.  I graduated.)

And he asks her if her lap top is working.
Dude. Get the fuck over yourself. Her life should not revolve around you and your constant erection.


After the ceremony Kate tells Ana that Christian wants to see her, and every girl gapes after Ana in jealous disgust.
Because being the object of other women's envy should be what we aspire to be. Amirite?

"Thank you," he says, and before she can reply, he takes my elbow and steers me into what looks like a men's locker room. He checks to see if it's empty, and then he locks the door. Holy shit, what does he have in mind?

and then he locks the door.

and then he locks the door.
and then he locks the door.

NOT COOL! DANGER ZONE!! WHAT THE HELL?!??!?!?!?!?!?

"Why haven't you emailed me? Or texted me back?" He glares I'm nonplussed.
"I haven't looked at my computer today, or my phone." Crap, has he been trying to call? 

ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME RIGHT NOW?!?

If my "boyfriend" pulled this shit on MY graduation day, MY DAY. MINE. I would donkey kick him in the balls, tell him to shove his e-mails and to get the fuck over himself.  Stat.  What a complete  ass hole.

And not only that, but if I doth remember, she asked you for space, and here you are LOCKING yourselves in a room, and being all "WHY HAVEN'T YOU PAID ATTENTION TO ME?!?!"  You sir, are a dick. Go die in a fire.

But he covers for ignoring her space because "her car isn't safe" but she tells him Jose services it.  Which of course, pisses off Mr. Things Have To Be My Way.

So what does Ana do?
Does she tell him to fuck off?
Does she tell him to shove it?

Nope.

She apologizes for making him worry.

Christian demands an answer re: BDSM from Ana, saying that the waiting is making him "crazy". I doubt that "crazy" is a shore he landed upon after only a few weeks of sailing, but justify your weirdness however you want, Christian. He wants an answer "by tomorrow", because love is patient, etc. Because this book is set in a universe where behavior like this is totally normal and romantic, Ana does not say, "Then my answer is no, dick, unlock the door." Instead, she agrees and tells him she needs to get back to her stepdad, because they have plans. Christian insinuates himself into those plans through blatant manipulation, because he wants to meet Ray.

This is about what I wanted to do to the characters of this book.

So after Christian weasels his way into meeting her dad, Ana is worried about the wine served at graduation because it's something Christian probably wouldn't like. And what happens if she does something that Christian doesn't like?  She has consequences.  But there shouldn't be consequences for shit she can't control, but you know, logic here doesn't exist.

Ah, the internet has ruined me.

Kate and her brother, who puts his arm around Ana, and Christian's brothers shows up, and before proper introductions can be made, Kate introduces Christian as Ana's boyfriend.  And of course, Ana fumes.

Hold the phone there, Anastasia.
It's Christian who has insisted upon meeting Ana's stepfather, and it's Christian who has left their relationship undefined as per his own terms. So Kate, when put in the position of introductions, selects the wrong terminology, who is at fault? Not Christian, because Ana can't blame him for anything. So, the blame must be shifted to Kate. 

But let's not focus too much on that because now Christian is all pissed about Kate's brother being all up on Ana.  So when he goes "Ana, baby" and bids her to his side; she doesn't catch his controlling ways... she's all gush like because he called her baby.  

-rolls eyes- Puh-lease.

ANYWAY, after all those awkward introductions have been made, we're finally left to Ana and Christian being alone.  And by being alone, I mean in a room full of people - but you know, non-disclosure agreement or not, Christian thinks this is a fine time to bring up their arrangement. . He wheedles her, saying, "You know it's going to be good, don't you, baby?", which is, I'm pretty sure, how about 60% of all date rapes begin, and Ana confesses that her reluctance to sign the contract is because she wants more from the relationship. Christian again tells her that he doesn't really know how to do the romance thing, and then Ana agrees to the contract.

Just like that.

When her dad comes back, she feels sick to her stomach as to what she's just done.

Well that's a good sign you made a good choice.