HEEEEERE'S JOHNNY!!!

Funny image of the day:

The next generation is going to be dumb as fuck. God help us.

Christian bursts through the wooden door of the boathouse and pauses to flick on some lights.



Christian sets me on my feet on the wooden floor...I don't have time to examine my surroundings-

Good. I won't have to hear about...

He pauses at the doorway and touches another switch - halogens this time, they are softer, on a dimmer - and we're in an attic room with sloping ceilings. It's decorated with a nautical New England theme: navy blues and creams with a dash of red. The furnishings are sparse, just a couple of couches are all I can see.

Mother fuck. Nevermind. I guess we will hear about it...

She asks him not to hit her... (I'm containing my rage for now, I won't lecture you right now about how this is bad and you should feel bad.  'Cause you should.)

But then she goes on to say that she doesn't really care to be spanked in his parents boat house and tries to kiss him.  Which throws Christian Grey for a loop.

It was along the lines of the over used phrase ever in the history of "romance."

"What are you doing to me?"

Is it about the kiss? No.  It's about her saying no to him.... because no one ever says no to Christian.

Today's post brought to by a mother who hopes to raise a child that isn't a selfish little fucker.
Because I will spank them till they're 16, I swear it.

What did she say no about?  That he couldn't finger bang her underneath the table and he finds this "hot."

Well that doesn't sound like a rapist at all.

And what the fuck does he mean "no one's ever said to no to him?"  Ana's been saying "no" to him quite a lot lately. You just plow right through them like the kool-aid man with threats and alcohol to get her to say "yes" and do your bidding, you arrogant fuck.

Then I read this line.... and just when I think I can't get any angrier at a character, oh... oh how I'm proven wrong.  

"I'm mad because you never mentioned Georgia to me. I'm mad because you went drinking with that guy who tried to seduce you when you were drunk and who left you when you were ill with an almost complete stranger. What kind of friend does that?

Excuse me, dear sir, but aren't you the one who:

• Was a complete stranger to Ana and her friends but STILL took her back to your hotel room when she was drunk and passed out?
• Who told Jose to leave to Ana alone, while she was still puking?  This was BEFORE she passed out, you dumb fuck.
• Never mentioned Georgia... says the man who keeps literally everything but his walking erection to himself.

It takes incredible gonads to have the audacity to stand there and say "Well that guy is terrible because he didn't stop me from taking you out of the club in the first place, even though you were unconscious, even though I was the one who told him to leave us alone.... even though I shouldn't have done that in the first goddamn place."

Does Ana argue with his fucked up logic? Nope.  So when he says he's going to fuck her for HIS pleasure, and not hers, she rolls with it.  What is she to him?  A walking vagina with a major in English.

When he's done he demands that she not touch herself because he wants her frustrated and he wants to deny her something since she's denied what's "his."

So let me just get this straight, so we're all on the same page.

Christian believes that:

• He has the right to sexually humiliate his girlfriend in front of his parents and her friend?
• Control who she talks to/hangs out with
• When and if she can leave the stage

And let's not mention the contract, because she hasn't fucking signed it yet.  

Mia interrupts their tryst to announce that Elliot and Kate are getting ready to depart.  And it was reading here I was like "Why have I heard Ana and Mia before?"

Oh... that's right....

 

Tween girls use the terms Ana and Mia to refer to their BFF's Anorexia and Bulimia   Do I think E.L. James knew this?  Yes.  Why?  She's a fan fic writer, tweens are in abundance of those things.  Do I think this is some sort of subliminal message? Maybe.  As much as self-hating that Ana does, I can't help but wonder.

Personally, I couldn't be either.  I love food too goddamn much, also, I really love my boobs. Vain as hell, I know.  Whatever.  When my milk comes in, I expect porn star status to be achieved.

Moving on...

So they swagger their way back to the house and Ana hisses at Kate:

"I need to speak to you about antagonizing Christian," I hiss quietly in her ear as she embraces me."He needs antagonizing, then you can see what he's really like. Be careful, Ana - he's so controlling." she whispers. "See you later."I KNOW WHAT HE'S REALLY LIKE - YOU DON'T! - I scream at her in my head. I'm fully aware that her actions come from a good place, but sometimes she just oversteps the mark, and right now so far that she's into the neighboring state.

Said every woman in an abusive relationship ever.

You know, I'm sure you're sick of me pointing out the abuse in the relationship - I'll stop commenting, because if it isn't fucking obvious by now....

On the way  back to Christian's, Ana comments on how she was thinking Christian was trapped into bringing her to dinner with his parents; and Christian comments that he was delighted that she met his parents and that she's such a strong, self-contained young woman.

Again... I don't see the qualities in Ana.  The writer has done nothing to show these qualities.... but because the writer has written it, it is so.

Again.  This is how cults start.

Christian asks Ana why she wants to go to Georgia... and she responds to "think about their relationship."  Mr. Grey is stunned... why?  Why would she need to think about their relationship, because on his end, I'm sure things seem hunky dorey.  We get battered around in her head more about what she wants to say:

Holy crap. How did this suddenly become such and intense and meaningful conversation? It's been sprung on me, like an exam that I'm not prepared for. What do I say? Because I think I love you, and you just see me as a toy. Because I can't touch you, because I'm too frightened to show you any affection in case you flinch or tell me off or worse - beat me?

Again... I'd like to point out she's not viewing this as a consensual BDSM relationship.. just want to point that out.  Right there.  See it?

Ana describes her batman, dark knight in Christian and just wants to "lead him to the light..."

Remember, abuse in relationships can mean "loving someone to well being..." but I'll just leave that there.

The get back to his place and have some hanky panky in the elevator, and I started to wonder... is this place an actual place?

http://www.escalamidtown.com/

HOLY FUCK!!! IT IS.

..... great.  This place is going to become the biggest goddamn biohazard on the west coast because of people getting jiggy with it in the elevator.

Ana wants to "make love" but that's a "hard limit" for Christian, and since it's only his universe that matters and not Ana's hard limits, that shit is a no go. Because expecting someone to just make love to you is a big fucking deal, but he has no qualms about trying to finger bang you at the dinner table.

After some toothbrush sharing she asks why touching is such a hard limit, and it leads to his fucked up childhood but he doesn't want to burden her with that information.  She tries to bargain with him, "you can spank me if you tell me."  At first Christian is like "hells to the no" (because again, it's his way or no way) but eventually concedes and brings out the Ben Wal balls.

What are those, pray tell, to those of you who have never peered into the realm of kinky?

Anal beads. okay?  They're anal beads.  You shove them in your ass... and you're gonna need more than SPIT to lubricate them, unlike what Mr. Grey does in this scene.  You'll need some serious lube.

After the spank sesh with the ben wa balls, they fuck and have the following pillow talk:

"The woman who brought me into this world was a crack whore...Go to sleep."

Well, fuck, that's lovely to end a sex session with.