Let's Get All Raspy And Make A Series of Mountains Out of Specs of Sand

Chapter 4

We left off with Christian (not calling you Mr. Grey, you can suck my big toe you misogynist pig) saving Ana from a deadly bicyclist.

I'm serious. 

But he didn't just rescue her he awakened her.  Again, because it takes a man to do that...You know, a few months ago I remember seeing this pop up on my facebook feed.  Like if Ana had a facebook, this would totes be on it... and she would never come right out and say she that she's attracted to someone, nope, it'd be some passive aggressive b.s.... full angst... probably some song lyrics.... about how her world is forever colored differently because of the shadowy figure in her life.  Yeah, she'd totally post this:



This ladies.... is what I call some condescending, grade A, bull.

If you haven't already gathered I'm a slight feminist.  I do not need anyone to define my worth, more or less a man.  Yes, it's nice when my husband compliments me, but I knew well my worth before hand.  If more women would understand this principal in life, I wouldn't be having the problems I have with this book.  It's not that it's "just" a book, it's the craziness that surrounds it in that women are like "THIS IS WHAT I'M MISSING."

Don't believe me.  Read these links:
I Cheated On My Husband With Christian Grey

Why We Should Want Christian Grey (I Shall Slaughter All These Points Later)

With The Rage Of 1000 Suns I Wanted To Punch My Lap Top From Reading This Article

What was I doing, oh yeah, Ana has been "awakened", cue the romance music

 (You're welcome)

She's so awakened, she wants to be kissed... and obviously since she's never held a man's hand she's never been kissed.  Eh... this I can somewhat believe.  I went to a bible college where kids did everything but have sex, were the purity unicorn virgins.  But within all seriousness, there were a few who seriously did wait to mill marriage to kiss.

But with Ana, I think it's because no one has been worthy enough to kiss her because she's not worthy enough for the world. And because Christian is a mind reader, he shakes his head at her and pushes her away... he's bad news, yo.

Ironically Ana doesn't turn to inner turmoil yet, she just gets all whispery about "saving her."

If I weren't pregnant, I'd let me husband hit me with a bicycle just to prove a point here.

But this is an important event to her, so it must be a shared event.  Remember how people are generally "Communication is important in relationships?"  Throw that out the window right now... it doesn't apply to this book.

Then Christian is full of anguish (actually, he's probably just horny from playing this up so he can get her right where he wants her).

Ahem.  Anguish: excruciating or acute distress, suffering, or pain: the anguish of grief.

Now maybe it's just me and my hate affair I have with this book, but anguish isn't the word I'd go with here.  Maybe if they had been together for, you know, a while.  She cheated.  She died. Etc.  So far all they've done in the span of like 3 days, is meet for an interview where she face planted and then insulted him, he bought murdering supplies at her place of employment, he had some pictures taken for her, they got coffee.

So of course when he drops her off at the hotel she falls down in the parking garage in the fetal position and bawls. And mourns her dashed hopes and dreams, because obviously our hopes and dreams lie within a man. Obviously.

This folks, is going to get turned into a fairy tale movie.

Inner angst and turmoil ensues, I'm not even going to elaborate... it's pretty redundant at this point, and seriously, I'm kind of sick of it.

Here comes reason number 3 Ana is a wretched friend...

She comes home crying and Kate obviously wants to know if she's okay..... and Ana is having none of that.  How dare Kate care. 

She eventually does tell Kate that Christian Grey doesn't care for her... cue end of the world.

I wish I could tell you this is where the chapter ends, but it doesn't.

This chapter is where a BIG RED flag popped up.

Ana and her friends go out to a bar where Ana, who' never drank (seriously, she had to have been raised by nun's) gets 5 Margarita's.  Ana has 2 left feet and an iron liver...

In her drunken state she drunk dials Christian Grey and to which he's obviously displeased she's drunk and so he's going to come and get her.

That was my reaction about now....this guy is so full of himself it's not even funny.

What if she doesn't want to come with you, you over bearing ass? Hmm?

She's finishing college, she's out with her friends, she's having a good time.  She doesn't need your approval or your standards you prick.

This behavior is not cavalier or chivalrous, all you women wanting this, I really want you to be open minded for the rest of this blog.

So Ana staggers outside and Jose decides to try some moves on her... because she's drunk...

She says no, he still tries.

This is called sexual assault, remember this.

And Christian comes to the rescue... how does he know where she is? She didn't tell him... oh, he traced her cell phone. But she doesn't mind because it's him.  This is how abusive relationships start... it's HIM (the father of my children, he's hot, I'll never find someone like him, etc. etc. You know... HIM)  Again...

So here she is... drunk... vomiting... and Mr. Trace Your Cellphone wants to take her home.

Look here, this isn't smart.  This is how rape happens.  Stop glorifying this behavior.

I can see women telling their daughters now..

"Honey, as long as he's handsome and rich, just do as he says... your boundaries don't matter."

I almost want to buy this book so I can burn it.