Ana... after having passed out... after Christian is like "I'm taking you home..." wakes up in Christian's bed with no pants or socks on.
Yeah, my date rape censors didn't go off. Not at all.
What's that? Christian wouldn't do that because he's a gentleman?
Creepy McCreeperson has left 2 pills and OJ... Ana, you are Alice in Wonderland, if something says "eat me" or "drink me" you do it without question; because waking up half way nude in a bed that's not yours, and just willy nilly ingesting the first thing you see is not smart. I literally want to reach through my computer screen and shake you right now.
So Christian enters.. and this is like the third time I see that his pants hang off his hips "in that way." Since E.L. James has absolutely no problem using 50 adjectives to describe a room but won't give us the decency to explain what "in that way" means I am assuming his pants hang off him like this:
| That's hot. |
Then Christian quickly explains that he brought her to his hotel because he didn't want her puking in his car.... taxi's don't exist in Seattle/Portland. Which leads to Ana asking if they... you know... did it. Of course not. (Kinda doubt it, but I'll give it the benefit of the doubt...)
And then... Oh sweet Jesus, it's the beginning of this:
After that bickering goes back and forth (and it's not the first nor anywhere near the last time this happens) another Red Flag gets thrown out there..
"Well, if you were mine, you wouldn't be able to sit down for a week after the stunt you pulled yesterday. You didn't eat, you got drunk, you put yourself at risk." He closes his eyes, dread etched on his lovely face, and he shudders slightly. When he opens his eyes, he glares at me. "I hate to think what could have happened to you." I scowl back at him. What is his problem? What's it to him? If I was his... well I'm not. Though maybe, part of me would like to be. The thought pierces through the irritation I feel at his high-handed words. I flush at the waywardness of my subconscious - she's doing her happy dance in a bright red hula skirt at the thought of being his.
Let me just clarify something right here and right now. This is not attractive in a man. She was out with her friends, he blames her for almost getting raped (and that's a tangent for another day), and he threatens to beat her for doing something he didn't like. Yes... I can see the love just brewing. This is the man women are lamenting their husbands for not being more like. They feel cheated because their husbands won't beat them, or blame them for getting raped, or just do anything they can do to further diminish and degrade their self-worth. This man. And don't hand me, "I want the sex..." No, you want Christian Grey, don't you start back tracking now; all I've heard for months on end is how wonderful and romantic and perfect Christian Grey is. You don't get a free pass, you didn't think this through and now that critical thinking has caused you to really reflect on the type of person he is and if it makes you a teensy bit uncomfortable... you sit there and you deal with "This is what I want" because you've blindly just gone with the bull shit of all this. See what happens when you jump on a band wagon - all logic and reason go out the window. You sit there and you stay there till we're done.
Let me just reiterate a point that I feel like I'm having to say waaaay too much lately: Women are not property. Like, I can't even believe I'm having to say that.... I want to go stick my head in an oven.
And then Ana just adds more to this saga known as victim blaming...
One minute he rebuffs me, the next he sends me fourteen-thousand-dollar books, then he tracks me like a stalker.
And for all that, I have spent the night in his hotel suite, and I feel safe. Protected. He cares enough to come and rescue me from some mistakenly perceived danger. He's not dark knight at all, but a white knight in shining, dazzling armor - a classic romantic hero - Sir Gawain or Lancelot.
Let me call down to the Women's Shelter so that they can re-write those little pamphlets on how to react when you're being abused. Ana, I'm surprised you've made it this far into adulthood... he didn't rescue you. And for those of you saying "BUT HE SAVED HER FROM JOSE!" Allow me to remove those rose colored glasses.
When did he say he was coming to get her? Oh that's right... when she drunk dialed him.... and he was coming to get her because he didn't like what she was doing.
Yes. He just happened to show up when Jose sexually assaulted her, but he could have easily just gone inside, gotten her other friends, explained the situation and sent her home with Kate. Or offered to give Kate and Ana a ride back to their place. This would have been the cordial and common-sense thing to do, because, you know, they barely know each other.
Again... Obvious Things Are Obvious 101.
He leaves her to get ready, and while in the shower she wonders why Christian hasn't made a pass at her like Jose and Paul. This, my friends, is called justification. She realizes she's attracted to him, and is irritated that he won't make a pass to justify his creeper ways. But maybe I'm just over analyzing... maybe this gets better and they just got off on the wrong foot.
The only part of this book that I found myself going "Well, that's pretty cool" was when Ana finds the clothes that Christian got her fit her perfectly. Do you know the last time I bought myself something that fit perfectly? One can dream...
She goes to find Christian who is reading a newspaper the size of a tennis court; go back and read that section. Remember the brooding tie? Subject verb agreement is for losers.
Christian informs Ana that Kate already knows where she is (way to take control there!) and all Ana can seem to worry about is what Kate will think about her having a one night stand, because slut shaming is great.
We go into more of this:
After he makes her eat her food (even though she doesn't want too, remember this...) Christian lays down the law. He doesn't do hearts and flowers and romance; and that he buys her things because "he can." It's kind of a blatant form of intimidation, but maybe Christian is socially retarded and can't just say, "I'd like to give you something because I want too.." Really, I'm trying to be open minded here.
Of course there's "something" that he's just drawn too..
Her 2 left feet?
Her self-loathing?
The way she talks shit about all her friends?
Her insulting ways?
Then I remind myself this is a.... -choke-romantic fiction. It has to work. Fine... I'll play by the rules.
But my money is on that "something" is the fact that her spine is about as firm as a wet noodle and he's like "YES! SOMEONE I CAN CONTROL!" But that's just my 2 cents.
Then we get the most awkward come on conversation...
"If you can't stay away, maybe you shouldn't" -Bats eyelashes-
"So, uh, what are you doing, you know... later?" Husky, brooding voice.
"Packing and graduating..."
Ana would like the conversation to end there, but you know, Grey's got questions, yo but Ana ain't having that inquisition shit. Another way to be a good friend to Ana is only show interest when she wants you too, go away when she's done. There's a personality disorder that goes with this behavior, but I'll wait and see if you can catch on. I bet E.L. James has it.
Then we start with the whole lip biting thing...
And then we get first mention of "the contract" He can't touch her without her written consent... this is basically a nice manipulative tool so he can do whatever the hell he wants and leaves the female feeling like "she asked for it." I'll touch more on BDSM later...
After all is said and done and Christian has said his piece about how he rolls, she leaves to get ready and dry her hair like a good girl.
Then, at the time before finishing this god-forsaken book, I read what I thought was the grossest thing ever (oh no, it's not... there is a scene that makes this pale in comparison...) she uses his toothbrush.
That's pretty gross. One time my husband accidentally used my toothbrush, I immediately went to CVS and got myself a new one. Maybe it's because I'm a germaphobe.... but no.
Then there's the ever famous elevator scene... and Ana finally gets kissed. Yay.
And we get the first mention of the third most annoying character in this book. Her inner goddess. I'm just saying, my inner goddess looks like this and would bust a cap in Ana's inner goddess ass.
