So Christian leaves and we're left with Ana calling Kate on the phone to let her know she's arranged the photo shoot.... of course Kate sees that the fact that Grey is there is b.s. and tells Ana so.
But of course, Ana, sweet Ana.... is all "Really?! No.... he couldn't possibly, for I am not worthy of this world or Christian "Adonis" Grey. Excuse me while I throw myself into more angst."
Look Ana, all Kate's trying to do is boost your self esteem, but if you'd rather sit there in this self-brooding, woe is me, self-imposed martyrdom goooooo ahead.
We all have those types of people in our life, right? The kind where you can say one thing, totally meaning it as a joke or to lighten the mood and somehow you get this long retort back about how much life sucks, and they are oh so sorry to not live up to your expectations, and they're obviously doing whatever it is to baffle mankind as we know it. And all you said was "They're out of meat lovers pizza, is the chicken alfredo ok?" I have a few Ana's in my life... and they irritate the shit of me too.
So Ana announces she has Grey's phone number because he's just such a nice guy. Ana, that would be like Johnny Depp giving me his number after meeting me once. Rich famous people don't just do that... are you not obviously seeing that this man is dropping hints?
Our first fault with Ana is that any friendship she has is on her own terms. Don't ask her any questions what so ever, don't be prettier than her, don't ask her for favors. The second is that there is absolutely no middle ground with her. Grey is not attracted to her because in her mind she's not the type he would be attracted to (the irony in this, she's exactly the kind of woman he feeds off of). It has to fit her ideals and to hell with what anyone else things/desires (she and Grey have a lot in common....)
Kate suggests Ana call Jose to arrange the photo shoot, and Grey to confirm the photo shoot. Of course Ana takes offense to both. Of course.
Paul, the friend who talked to Ana that caused Grey to throw a silent tantrum of a 4 year old who refuses to speak or acknowledge you because they don't get their way... what way is that? How should we know? We're supposed to mind read. Duh. Anyway Paul walks in and wants to take Ana out on a date...
But he's no "literary hero" and then her subconscious asks her if Grey is.
No. None of these characters are a "literary hero" and there is a place in a very warm location if you want to compare these characters to literary heroes. No. No. No. Don't even.
To TL;DR the mundane... Kate bullies Jose into doing the photo shoot...Ana awkwardly calls Christian (I felt like I was reading a middle schoolers journal). Speaking of... this is the first mention where Ana likens herself to a child. Yes, the first. There's more references....
Eventually.. thank the Lord... we get to the part where they drive to the hotel to do the photo shoot of Mr. Grey. I'm beginning to wonder if anyone knows how to google and they just use pictures of him from there, but whatev's.
Christian arrives... blah blah... ZOMG SO HOT. When does this book get good? This book, the one that's supposed to reignite dead marriages... make your sex life like wow... THAT book? Did I get the right book? Or is there another 50 Shade of Torture book I need to endure? (And then I learn that's there actually 2 follow up books to this.... also the movie Idiocracy is prophetic)
Pictures are taken, they lock eyes, sparks ignite! AAAAND we get a coffee date... after a completely pointless argument about how everyone is going to get home, but Christian fixes that and thus isolates Ana from her group of friends....
We also learn Ana hates coffee... of course. She hates everything. She prefers tea. We also learn that Ana has never held hand. Ever.
HOLD THE EFFING PHONE, this is just unbelievable. This is like someone saying "they've never ever been in love before" despite them being married 6 times. It's okay to have loved before... it doesn't damage you. E.L.James, it's fine if Ana's held hands before. Way to make every woman everywhere feel like a whore.
So then it's the obvious question because Christian Grey is a man of action.
"Here's your tea, so do you have a boyfriend."
A little awkward... but not too terribly so. You're interested in someone, you want to know if you stand a chance, okay.
Creeper alert:
"You seem nervous around men..."
"You should find me intimidating..."
"Don't look down, let me see your face.."
Well let me just tell you, I stand corrected. I can now see why women are swooning over him. Who doesn't want to not feel at ease so it's easier to manipulate you, and bonus; you're just there for him to look at. And you can't call him Christian, you can only call him Mr. Grey.
What sort of bull shit is this? Seriously. What is this?
When I went on my first date with my husband, this didn't even come up. We had a normal first date. We called each other by our first name, he complimented my out fit, he paid for my dinner, we laughed. I never once felt uneasy about him. Sure, I was nervous, but over all, I had a pleasant time.
But Ana, because she has such low self esteem of her self, because by now that point has been driven into my skull, she's like, "Well, okay Mr. Grey." She doesn't realize (and here's the whole theme for the rest of this book) that Christian Grey is not at all interested in a woman with confidence or self-esteem because then he couldn't easily gain control of her.
Seriously... how the hell do people not see this? Seriously. SERIOUSLY.
Oh right. He's hot... and rich...
But if he looked like this:
All bets are off right? He's just another really weird creepy man....
But he looks like this:
So it's okay.
Got it.
Okay, so the date ends and he walks her back to the hotel. And then, the most riveting scene so far happens. Ana almost gets his by a bicyclist and -squee- Christian saves her!!!
She tumbles into his arms... and oh my he just so effing delicious. This starts the count of "Oh my..." among other things. I'll tally them at the end. In the mean time...
In case you're wondering, yes, it' my goal to ruin this book for you with silly meme's.
And it is revealed that this is the very first time in Ana's life that she realizes she wants to kiss someone. This is her sexual awakening... no man has ever been good enough. Here we have the 21 year old heroine awakened to the fact that her vagina is there for more than just declaring she is a woman... and it took another man to join in her self-loathing and add to it.
